How To Talk To Your Child About Mass Shootings

As of February 20, 2023, there had already been 83 mass shootings in the US. That’s an average of 1.6 shootings per day. 

These unthinkable events have become a normal part of our lives and affect our and our children’s mental health.

On February 27, 2023, Fort Health hosted a webinar in partnership with the Child Mind Institute. The session focused on what parents and caregivers can do to communicate with their children about these events and build resilience in the face of a phenomenon that unfortunately does not seem to be disappearing anytime soon.

Below the video, you will find answers to common questions from parents and caregivers. We will be adding more questions and answers from the session in the coming days.

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FAQs From Parents and Caregivers

• What is the role of parents and caregivers in helping children cope with mass shootings?

  Talking to kids about difficult events, including school shootings, is important. Kids actually feel less scared when they get to talk about scary things. You can answer their questions and assure them that they are safe and horrible events like school shootings are rare.

  You can take a little pressure off yourself by understanding that adults listening to children is more important in this kind of situation than knowing the perfect thing to say to them. If you aren’t sure what to say, you can always ask your kids if they have any questions. Sometimes a comfortable and safe setting where kids are allowed to be sad, upset, and confused is the most valuable thing you can offer.

• Does preparation scare kids more? And if so, what can we do to mitigate that fear?

  The plus side here is we are conveying to kids that we want them to feel safe. As a downside, we are reminding children of the world’s dangers that they wouldn’t otherwise encounter, especially for young elementary kids. School shootings receive lots of media attention but are not very common. So while they are a threat, the likelihood that one will personally affect you is slim. We need to reassure our kids – even when we as parents may feel otherwise – that they are safe at school because when they feel chronically threatened, they are more likely to become anxious or depressed.

• Should I let my child watch news coverage of school shootings? And if so, what conversations should I have with my child as we’re watching the news?

  You should limit their exposure. The way school shootings are covered on television and discussed on social media is intense. Besides making us feel upset and frustrated, it can also make us feel less safe. Because it’s so horrific and important, it dominates the media and, therefore, our minds, and we think of it as a much more significant threat than it is.

  Parents are sometimes afraid to bring up school shootings with their children because they don’t want to scare them. But children will often hear about a school shooting that is getting a lot of attention in the media, and bringing it up can alleviate any anxiety they might be feeling. Avoiding potentially scary topics can make them scarier for children.

  These discussions are a chance for you to answer questions that they might have and provide some reassurance. While you can’t promise that their school will never have a shooting, you can, in good faith, tell them that school shootings are very rare and remind them that they practice drills at school to keep them safe.

• As a parent, I know the most common question kids ask is, “why?”. How do we respond to that question in the context of mass shootings?

  You can tell them honestly that there are too many guns in America. You can tell them that you care about their safety and that you are a person that believes we need to do something about it. You can take a proactive step by getting involved in gun safety groups. This can reassure your child that you are looking out for their safety, and they might want to get involved, too.

• What about our anxiety as parents? Do kids “absorb it,” and if they do, how can we do a better job of hiding it?

  It’s good to be aware of your level of anxiety as a parent. It’s possible that you might be more afraid of mass shootings than your child. Children are emotional sponges, so be aware that they might be picking up fear and anxiety from you. It’s always good to be honest with your kids about your fears and know that kids feel less scared when they get to talk about scary things.

• How can schools and teachers support students experiencing anxiety related to school shootings?

  As with everything teachers do in the classroom, they can model behavior for their students – especially how to stay calm and talk about their feelings. And then, they can give their students space to devise ways to handle challenges positively. Teaching mindfulness, meditation, and relaxation skills really does help. These skills can be as crucial in your students’ lives as reading and writing and worth your efforts to teach and model when kids are in crisis.

• What resources are available for parents and students in the aftermath of a shooting?

  Our partners at the Child Mind Institute have free trauma resources on their website (www.ChildMind.org) with specific recommendations to help guide parents, teachers, and other adults. 
  
  When a school shooting happens, they often reach out to the impacted communities to make sure they have these resources at hand. 

  
  Please visit www.ChildMind.org for more information

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