Back to School Jitters: How to Ease Your Child’s Anxiety about Returning to Class
Children and teens often experience anxiety when it’s time to return to the classroom. Identify the signs of school anxiety and learn tips to ease your child’s fears at the start of the year.
Back to school is often an exciting time. But it can also come with a lot of anxiety. From speaking in front of people and navigating social situations to facing the pressures of tests, school can be a challenging environment for an anxious child.
Anxiety can affect a child’s willingness to go to school as well as their ability to focus in the classroom.
As a parent or caregiver, you can help by understanding:
Signs that your child may be anxious about school
What causes anxiety about school
How to help your child cope with anxiety before a school day and at the start of the school year
Where to find more help for anxiety about school
1. Signs your child may be anxious about school
Different kinds of anxiety might interfere with your child’s success or comfort at school. Students may worry about everything from separating from their parents at drop-off to speaking up in class to feeling like their homework has to be perfect.
Fear is a normal part of childhood and adolescence. But if your child’s fears are disproportional, unwanted, frequent and getting worse, it may be a sign that their anxiety is a problem.
Sometimes the source of school anxiety is easy to identify — like when a child is feeling nervous before a big test. Other times anxiety in the classroom can be a little more difficult to pinpoint — an upset stomach, or disruptive or angry behaviors. That’s why anxiety about school can sometimes be confused with ADHD or learning disorders.
Here are some signs your child may be anxious about school:
Restlessness or difficulty focusing on lessons or homework
Reluctance or refusal to return to school after a summer or holiday break
Throwing tantrums in the classroom or asking the same questions over and over
“Freezing up” when called on in class
Fixation on wanting their homework to be perfect
Complaints of headaches or stomachaches or frequent trips to the nurse’s office
Difficulty breathing or racing heartrate when thinking about school
2. What causes anxiety about school
The many different kinds of anxiety can add an extra layer of confusion when detecting anxiety at school. Children with anxiety at school can struggle with any of the following types:
Separation anxiety: When children are worried about being separated from parents or caregivers. These students can have a hard time at school drop-offs and throughout the day.
Social anxiety: When students are excessively self-conscious about how they’ll be perceived by their peers, making it difficult for them to socialize or participate in class.
Selective mutism: When children have a hard time speaking in some settings, like at school or around authority figures.
Generalized anxiety: When children worry about a wide variety of everyday things. Kids with generalized anxiety often worry particularly about school performance and can struggle with perfectionism.
Specific phobias: When children have an excessive and irrational fear of particular things, like being afraid of animals or storms.
3. Helping your child with school anxiety
How can you help your child with school anxiety? One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to try and understand whether your child’s behavior is a result of anxiety or something else. Anxiety is often misdiagnosed or overlooked because it shares common behaviors with ADHD or Depression. Here are some tips for recognizing and helping your child with anxiety about school:
Inattention and restlessness
When a child is squirming in their seat, tapping their foot and not paying attention, we tend to think of ADHD, but anxiety could also be the culprit. When kids are anxious in the classroom, they might have a hard time focusing on the lesson and ignoring the worried thoughts zipping through their brains.
How to help: Together with your child, work on basic mindfulness skills like paying attention to your breathing or finding a “still, quiet space.”
Clingy kids
Going to school can be a problem for kids who have trouble separating from their parents. Some amount of separation anxiety is normal, but more severe separation anxiety can make going to school difficult or even impossible.
How to help: If you think your child will be reluctant to separate, it’s very helpful to have someone ready to meet and engage them when you arrive. This may be a teacher, a classmate, an aide or school psychologist.
Disruptive behavior
We might not associate acting out with anxiety, but aggression or having a short temper can be a sign of an overactive fight or flight response as their impulse to protect themselves kicks in.
How to help: Revisiting an earlier event, such as a meltdown in the classroom, engages the child in thinking about what happened, and helps them start to strategize about what could have been done differently. If you can come up with one or two things that might have led to a different outcome, your child might remember them next time he’s starting to feel overwhelmed.
Trouble answering questions in class
Anxious children may break eye contact, look down, or start writing something in an attempt to break the connection with the teacher and avoid what’s making them feel anxious. If they do get called on, they may get so anxious that they freeze up.
How to help: Practice with your child doing something that makes them nervous, like raising their hand or answering a question. It’s fine to start small and ease yourself into it. Over time, they’ll gain more confidence.
Frequent trips to the nurse
Anxiety can manifest in physical ailments. If a child is having unexplained headaches, nausea, stomachaches, or even vomiting, those could be symptoms of anxiety. So can a racing heart, sweaty palms, tense muscles, and being out of breath.
How to help: If your child develops a pattern of these symptoms and you have gone to a doctor to rule out a medical problem, talk to your child about what might be causing these physical sensations.
Problems in certain subjects
When a child starts doubting their abilities in a subject or noticing that a subject is harder for them than for their classmates, anxiety can get in the way of learning or showing what they know. Sometimes this can be mistaken for a learning disorder when it’s really just anxiety.
How to help: Acknowledge the hard work your child is putting in and offer frequent positive feedback for school efforts to help with motivation on a tough subject.
Not turning in homework
When a child doesn’t turn in their homework, it could be because they didn’t do it or they are worried that the work isn’t good enough. We tend to think of perfectionism as a good thing, but when a child is overly self critical it can sabotage the things they are trying their hardest at, like school work.
You might also notice that some anxious kids will start worrying about tests much earlier than their classmates and may begin dreading certain assignments, subjects, or even school itself.
How to help: Providing your child with a structured homework schedule can help them stay focused and motivated. Completing homework as soon as school or after-school activities are over and with continuous parental support will provide encouragement, motivation, and assistance when needed.
Avoiding socializing or group work
Some kids will avoid or even refuse to participate in school activities, like giving presentations, gym class, eating in the cafeteria, and doing group work.
When kids start skipping things it might look to their teachers and peers like they are uninterested or underachieving, but it may be because because they are afraid of making a mistake or being judged.
How to help: Some students who are anxious in social situations have a much easier time showing what they know when teachers engage them one-to-one, away from the group.
4. Back-to-school tips when your child is anxious about school
Returning back to school after a summer break or long break from school can be stressful for some students. It can also be challenging when a student is entering a new school or if there is a change in your child’s social support system.
When your child is returning to school, be supportive without exacerbating your child’s worries. Here are tips for helping nervous kids have a successful transition back to school.
Listen to your child’s worries about school
If your child is anxious about going back to school, listen seriously to any worries. Acknowledge their fears, whether it’s a new teacher or school or worries about homework, and show confidence that they can handle the situation.
Don’t set them up to worry
Avoid questions that suggest you expect kids to be anxious, like “Are you worried about learning all of the new hallways and classrooms in middle school?” but check in with them more casually. Asking open-ended questions or general questions in a conversation gives children the opportunity to share their genuine feelings without trying to meet expectations.
Be aware of your anxiety and stress
For parents, going back to school can cause anxiety and stress, too. The pressure’s on you to reinstate routines after the summer break and arrange for new activities and schedules, not to mention facing the resumption of homework. Make sure you manage your own stress to avoid passing on stress to your kids.
TRY A FEW test runs
Let your child get used to the new school or new classroom in advance. Go to the school several times before school starts, and do as much walking the halls as you can. Find their classroom, the bathroom, the cafeteria, etc. Repetition is good. Even driving to the school on the weekend and having them practice getting out of the car at the drop-off point can increase familiarity if your child is particularly nervous.
Re-establish routines
Having a morning routine and nighttime schedule creates structure for your child, which can help with anxiety. Set your child up for success with clear expectations, simple step-by-step instructions, and praise at the completion of each step. Visual reminders can also help your child have something to refer to as they go about their routine.
When and how to get more help
It may be time to seek more help for your child or teen’s anxiety about school if it’s:
Getting worse: anxiety is triggered more often or more easily, and strong anxious feelings last longer
Interferes: anxiety impedes their academics and enjoyment of life as well as your family’s routines
Not isolated to them: if you have a family history of anxiety disorders
Leading to dangerous behaviors like skipping school
